Finding your Ally in Deathcare

💖 The Importance of Affirming Planning Professionals

In a large, inclusive company, our greatest strength lies in our diversity—the rich tapestry of backgrounds, experiences, and identities that make up our team. However, with so many employees, it’s a realistic truth that not every single person may be fully affirming, educated, or sensitive to the nuances of every diverse identity.

There was recently an incident in the news where a person in leadership in deathcare was arrested for throwing a temper tantrum and destroying a Pride Flag and damaging a restaurant. Hearing this broke my heart. It’s important to remember that this should not be seen as representing the entire company; however, it does highlight the vital importance of identifying affirming allies. This person was a sales “leader”.

Do you know what sales means in deathcare? It means the person working with your aging dads who are making their final arrangement plans. It also means the person sitting across the table from the parents of a Transgender child who is on life support or who you call for help navigating options when your spouse has just been in an accident. It *should* mean a safe, compassionate voice to guide you.

Some professionals may feel they’ve met the needs of diverse people by learning a few terms and saying they will “take anyone’s money”. When dealing with deeply personal and critical life moments, the difference between an educated, affirming professional and one who is not is profound.

The Essential Need for Affirming Care

This need is particularly critical when LGBTQ+ people or their loved ones are having sensitive conversations with funeral homes, crematories, and cemeteries. Engaging with a professional on these matters is not just about logistics; it’s about safety, respect, and someone who values your authenticity.

An affirming, educated professional provides a space where you can:

• Be Your Authentic Self: You shouldn’t have to filter or edit your language or identity. An affirming professional understands and respects your family structure, relationships, and chosen name/pronouns without question.
• Ask Identity-Specific Questions: You can safely discuss unique considerations related to your identity and deathcare decisions, such as legal rights, partnership recognition, or wishes regarding presentation.
• Access Affirming Resources: They can connect you with grief support and other relevant services that are also identity educated and affirming and able to be sensitive to your unique needs.

I encourage diverse individuals to locate their allies—the professionals who are specifically trained, personally committed, actively engaged, and passionate about serving them fully.

It’s OK To Ask Tough Questions

First, choose a company you feel comfortable entrusting with your care and the care of your loved ones in their grief. You can look at their website and social media. Do you see yourself reflected there without hesitation, or do you feel like an afterthought? Go beyond canned non-discrimination statements and look with the intent to see whether they feature diverse families and individuals naturally and what professional affiliations they promote having.

You also have the discretion to choose the professional you work with. Look at the professional’s website and LinkedIn profile. When was the last time they posted something that specifically honors you and your community?

Don’t be afraid to ask about credentials and the person’s background with serving diverse identities. Do they clearly honor diverse identities (such as listing their pronouns, normalizing honoring individual pronouns)? Do they partner with or sponsor organizations or events that specifically support your identity community? Active financial and/or time investment is a strong indicator of genuine commitment.

If you’re choosing a company based on the sales professional you feel comfortable working with, ask your trusted professional how diverse identities are honored by the company they work for, and why they choose to work for that organization. Ask them what happens to their affirming care if they are no longer with the company in the future.

Committed to Affirming Service

I am proud to be an affirming, educated professional and and Ally serving the LGBTQ+ community. I also intentionally serve diverse Religious, Secular, and Spiritual Identities (RSSI). I have a background in DEI leadership, education, and advocacy for LGBTQ+ and RSSI people.

I’m grateful to serve families through the trusted national network of Dignity Memorial providers. My goal is to ensure that your deathcare plan reflects your authentic life, providing you and everyone in your Network of Love with security and peace of mind.

If it is important to you to work with a professional who is knowledgeable, respectful, and committed to affirming care as you navigate deathcare planning, please feel free to reach out.

Call to Action:

To discuss your deathcare planning needs with an affirming professional, you can reach me directly at 407-608-9242.