Are Funerals becoming like Weddings?

I hear this question a lot, and as a professional in both industries, I can safely say YES. But what does it mean that funerals are becoming “like weddings” … and why?

When we think back on funerals we’ve attended in the past or seen on TV, we might picture rows of chairs or pews, everyone facing forward, dabbing their eyes, while a speaker, usually religious clergy, at the front of the room delivers words of comfort and remembrance.

I recently heard someone say that there is no time when we express love more deeply and openly than when we have just lost a loved one.

Modern funerals, celebrations of life, memorials, or other names that we may use to describe them, are still very important to most people. They give us time to honor our loved one’s life, support one another, and come together as a community. With families so geographically scattered, weddings and funerals are the two times we gather. They are important moments and memories of connection.

Cost. In the wedding industry, couples spend an average of $20,000 – $30,000. That is the celebration of one moment in time. Funeral costs can be similar, celebrating someone’s entire life, impacts, contributions, accomplishments, and passions. Just as with weddings, the family’s choices will determine the cost.

A celebration. More and more, people want their remembrance to be a celebration of their life, and how funerals are planned is drastically changing. Trends include similar vendors (musicians, celebrants, caterers), uplifting decor highlighting the person’s life, passions, and accomplishments, and gathering of friends and family.

Venue. Some funerals are still held at churches, temples, or other buildings dedicated to a religious tradition, some are not. Some families do both – holding a ceremony (like a reception) at a funeral venue in addition to a religious ceremony.

While some funeral homes are still set up with church-like pews and Christio-biased decor, many are transforming to event venues that honor people of any religious, secular, or spiritual identity (RSSI) or tradition, and any type of ceremony that best honors the family and the life of their loved one.

There are unique funeral venues with features like projection rooms or teams of funeral professionals who personalize the space to reflect the essence of your loved one’s life. There are also beautiful gardens, a person’s home, a restaurant, and many other options.

Multi-Day Event. A modern wedding trend is a “wedding weekend” of events to engage family and friends who have traveled to come together. An event planner coordinates this for a couple and can coordinate a similar weekend of activities honoring the life of someone lost. How about a kayak trip to your loved one’s favorite sandy island, a volunteer project to honor their love of making a difference, an excursion to their favorite park, or an 80’s dance party with their favorite local cover band?

The Funeral Planner. As mentioned above, there are funeral planners who will help with the coordination of details – a role that can be filled by the funeral home in some cases or by a private personal event coordinator. The ceremony may be held at the funeral home if they have an appropriate event center or at another event venue.

Your funeral home may have a funeral director or other person on staff who is experienced and trained to do this, but you can also reach out to wedding planners; many are also experienced at funeral planning and have relationships with many venues in the area. They will plan your event(s) privately with you and coordinate details with the funeral home.

As a Celebrant, when i write a wedding ceremony, we personlize every moment of the event – making sure that every detail is carefully considered – the words spoken, timing and order, rituals, music, guest readings/performances, etc. The same is done for every other ceremony, whether a baby naming, a transgender butterfly event, a funeral, a divorce ceremony, etc.

Both weddings and funerals come from traditions that used to be more formalized but more and more are becoming personalized events. When people are not bound by scripts and traditions, the doors open for expanding boundaries and creating something unique and amazing that has never been done before.

Tabula Rasa. Just like when you are planning a wedding ceremony, there are no requirements for how things are “supposed” to be unless you are honoring religious, cultural, or family traditions. You have a blank canvas and can be creative with the location, setup, decorations, ceremony, music, guest readings, eulogy, catering, and more.

Here is a recent blog piece I contributed, “Wedding Building Blocks“. While some of the elements are unequivocally wedding-specific, many can inspire you with ideas for a unique celebration of life. An experienced celebrant or funeral professional can help you with crafting a unique ceremony.

Here is a ClickOrlando interview with Dignity Memorial’s Celebration of Life Event manager, Julie Bucek:

ClickOrlando interview with Julie Bucek, Celebration of Life Event Manager, Dignity Memorial

Geography. Families and friends are becoming more and more spread out. We move a lot, we move far. We’re members of our local geographical community, but also of our network of loved ones all over the state, country, or even the world.

When someone dies, people are travelling to support the family and to attend memorialization & remembrance events and activities. For many, weddings and funerals are the only times that loved ones gather.

Diversity & Inclusion. For some, funerals are still connected to communities of faith, but for others, this is no longer the case. Services may honor the RSSI (Religious, Secular, or Spiritual Identity) of the decesased. Language and rituals may also be used to honor blended & diverse RSSIs among family and friends.

I have spoken recently to people of various religious minority, secular, and LGBTQ+ identities for whom final arrangements honoring their perspective is very meaningful to them. I’ve also spoken with many families who felt that the funeral – something there is no second chance to do – was ruined by disrespectful celebrants or other funeral professionals as well as by iconography and other physical elements of the venue. You can share your thougts and story with me here (it will help me advocate for inclusionary policy and practices in the funeral industry):

Mortality is something we all share, but the lives we live are unique. How will yours be remembered?

Schedule a Pre-Planning Consultation

Plan your funeral details in advance – learn about all the questions we’re going to ask your family and make sure your loved ones are not guessing about what you want and the right thing to do for you. That’s an unnecessary burden.

Use the form below or contact me directly at tee.rogers@dignitymemorial.com or 407-608-9242.