6 Considerations: Cremation or traditional burial?

The first step in planning final arrangements is making this decision: will you be cremated (your remains as ashes), or will your body be interred?

You may think your loved ones know what your wishes are, but please don’t assume. I’ve worked with so many families facing an imminent loss, torn and burdened with making that decision unsure of whether they were honoring their loved one’s true wishes. I recently met a couple who had been married 54 years; one spouse was unexpectedly terminally ill and no longer able to communicate, and they had never discussed final wishes. The kids weren’t able to help; they just wanted to do “whatever dad wanted” … which was not known.

Here are six critical considerations to help with your personal decision about cremation vs. traditional burial.

Emotion

A person cried as they told me how frightened they were that someone would have them cremated. Just the thought of it evoked terror. Another was similarly emotional, worried they wouldn’t be cremated, as the thought of “rotting” was more than they could bear.

How do you feel about your final disposition? How do your loved ones feel about it?

Culture

Japan’s cremation rate is about 99%; it is required. Worldwide, the younger generation is more and more choosing cremation for economic, environmental, land use considerations in densely populated areas, and other reasons.

A report by Statistica shows that in 2020 cremation rates in the United States had risen to over 50%, compared to less than 10% in 1975, with a projection to over 70% by 2030. (View report HERE).

The practices of your culture & community can help guide your decision.

Religion

Some religious teachings have specific guidance regarding final disposition.

For example, Hinduism requires cremation; Greek Orthodox beliefs prohibit it. Islam and Judaism have specific burial traditions. While Catholocism has begun to allow cremation, there are caveats such as keeping the ashes together (not scattering or splitting into multiple vessels), and some Catholics still do not condone cremation.

Some who are not religious at all, or who don’t hold to all religious tenets of their faith, may still want to honor family or community religious traditions for the sake of their loved ones.

If you’re not sure about your religion’s spiritual/religious requirements or teachings regarding final disposition, speak with a faith leader, or family or congregation elder, about it.

If it is meaningful to you, knowing your decision is in keeping with your religion will bring you peace of mind.

Tradition

There are cultural & religious traditions, but there are also family and community traditions. Sometimes they all align, but sometimes they conflict. For example, in families with diverse cultural and religious traditions, the decision can be complicated.

Some families simply have a way they’ve always done things, and you must decide whether to continue with or break from those expectations.

Some families have collective final resting places, such as estates or private mausoleums at a cemetery, or just a common cemetery, where everyone has a final resting place together – and some are just for cremation or have traditionally been for burial. And while cremated remains can be placed in any traditional burial spot, some may want to be in like form with their ancestors and loved ones.

Choice

Many choose cremation because of the myriad of final arrangement & resting place choices.

With cremation, you can have a service, celebration of life, or mass with the body present before the cremation. Some opt for only a viewing/visitation before the cremation rather than a full service. Others opt for a funeral service following the cremation with the urn present. Others opt for no service, or for a graveside or other service or ceremony.

With the interment of a body, you have two basic choices for final resting place: in-ground, or above-ground (mausoleum). Unless you’re practicing Tibetan Sky Burial, that is.

Cremation, though, opens a deluge of creative opportunities.

Someone who loved their rescue dogs showed me the collected urns from the fur-kids they’d lost over the years and shared the loving story of each. The final wish? To be scattered in a field with all those companions so that they could play there together forever.

With cremation, there’s a memorial reef for ocean lovers, space flight options, scattering (yes, there are regulations), anatomical donation, burial above or below ground. Cemetery options can include cremation estates, glass-front niches, niches in columbaria, cremation benches and pedestals, and so much more. Ashes can be divided to allow for burial or scattering in multiple places, cremation jewelry, cremation hand-blown glass, or other keepsakes for your loved ones.

The one thing i wouldn’t recommend is keeping the urn.

A final resting place gives both current family & future generations a meaningful connection point; whereas, having the urn at home means passing it down. Then down. Then down again. and so on. I’ve visited homes with a shelf full of urns – one family pointed to their mantle and called it the family cemetery. Everyone laughed when their son said, “Yeah, what am I going to do with that?” A discussion followed about finding a cemetery option.

Urns have been found in garages, backs of closets, even flea markets & garage sales because after being passed around, no one knew what they were. Further, there are some people not comfortable with keeping ashes in their home; you may be leaving a generational gift that could cause difficulty down the road for your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, or other relatives.

Cost

Recently i worked with a family to do a cost-analysis of cremation vs. burial. Based on the choices they made regarding urns/caskets, transportation, services, and other needs, there was about a $10,000 difference. Now they have the task of weighing the value of the above considerations to determine what they will ultimately decide for their pre-planning.

Cost is sometimes the least of these considerations, sometimes the highest priority for the family. A tearful decision by a personal representative to cremate was heartbreaking; the person’s wishes were for burial, but there was no family left, and very little money.

Don’t wait. It’s so much better to have the information & not need it than to need it and not have it.